Ginger Garrett

A publicist sent me a copy of the new book, Slob Proof! Real-Life Design Solutions by Debbie Wiener. The book is geared towards women who have real households: kids, dogs, messes, dirt.

Debbie has some of the best tips in this book you’ll ever find: what paint to use (it’s an industrial strength paint available at Sherwin Williams), what to tell the store when you buy a new couch, where you should never use full-length curtains, and more. Plus she includes pallettes of her favorite paint colors so you can take the book straight to the paint store and order away.

It’s a  design book, true, but for me, it’s a book about making choices that will save time, money and aggravation later. It just hit the market, and you can ask your library to order a copy. Libraries are very responsive to our requests and will often let you be the first person to check it out.

Here are a few gems I picked up:

1. Use outdoor fabric like Sunbrella for kitchen chairs and benches. It’s stain proof and rugged. And it beats covering your chairs with plastic seat covers.

2. You can touch up nicked and chipped white wood trimming with liquid white-out.

3. Never use a neutral color for flooring: it will show smudges, dirt and stains. One  homeowner coordinated colors with her dog’s fur, so shedding hairs wouldn’t be as noticeable.

4. Think of the most frequent spills and stains in your house, and coordinate colors to provide camoflauge for them. (This one cracked me up but makes sense. I spill coffee on the stairs, so I should be looking for a stair runner with a dark brown pattern. My dogs insist on removing food from their bowls and carrying it to the den for consumption, so I just get a family rug with reds and browns.)

It’s a great book that makes keeping house an easier job. It has nothing to do with history, women’s issues, or spirituality, but then….cleanliness is next to godliness, right?

My mom bought me a luxury pillow that had a price tag worthy of a sudden, sharp gasp.  But I loved it and thought it would help me sleep better. (Actually, I don’t need a pillow for that….I need an iron cage around the bed, to prevent small children and whining sheepdogs from wiggling their way in. )

You know it’s time to kick the dogs out when they start to mess with your marriage: I dreamed my husband had grown a horrible mat of hair all over his back …and when I woke up, I realized I had been spooning with my dog.

But, I decided that the real issue was my pillow, so I got a new one. And it is wonderful. Or, it was wonderful. It gave me a neck muscle spasm that was so severe I had to go to urgent care. And then the spasm moved from my neck to the muscles that wrap around your head.

So I’m having head spasms. Really. My doctor put me on narcotics and steroids, with a warning that the drugs would make me irritable and prone to gaining weight.

So let’s work this through: over Valentine’s weekend, when all pressure is on Mitch to prove what a great husband he is, I am going to be bloated and snappy. What gift could a guy give a bloated snapper that won’t make the situation worse? If he gives me chocolate, I’ll eat them all and then cry about gaining weight. If he doesn’t give me chocolates, I’ll accuse him of thinking I’m too fat to eat chocolates.

Mitch needs your help, people! Email with any suggestions! (I’ve turned the comments feature off below, so only my email is enabled.)

This past weekend, I spoke at the Spaghetti For the Soul women’s retreat hosted by Johnson Ferry Baptist Church. The keynote speakers were Kathy Troccoli and Ellie Lofaro.

These two women were wonderful. (They were both born and raised in the Bronx, which I found to be a fascinating fact. Growing up in Texas, I had long been terrified by the very idea of New York. It certainly went against God’s divine plan, having all those people crammed in together with no wide open spaces, pick ‘em ups, or sullen grazing cattle.  I thought my parents told me tales of that mysterious land just to scare me.)

Ellie’s website is linked below. If she and Kathy are coming to your area, this is a must-see event. Especially for Texans. And if you live anywhere near Johnson Ferry Baptist Church in Marietta, Georgia, you’ve got to check out their women’s ministry. The Queen of England herself doesn’t get treated as royally as we were treated us this weekend.

Sadly, the event was the only highlight of the weekend. I returned  home, high on girlfriend giggles, crab legs, chocolate, and tales of God’s faithfulness. I thought His goodness was unassailable. How could I ever doubt Him again?

And then Holmes caught that last pass…

My only comfort in all of this is that the Cowboys weren’t playing, so this Superbowl didn’t count.

Here’s Ellie’s webite, with info on her tour with Kathy:

http://www.ellielofaro.com/